Friday, August 26, 2011
We're all going to die on this thing!!!!
As of May 2011, I had never been on the metro. I avoided taking any form of public transportation all together. For nearly fifteen years I have been an agoraphobic. Agoraphobia, according to mayoclinic.com is:
"A type of anxiety disorder in which you avoid situations that you're afraid might cause you to panic."
My definition: "It is possible that if I leave my house I am going to pass out and shit myself and for the finale I will projectile vomit on anyone around me."
The point is, it is quite difficult to be an agoraphobic and someone who really, really wanted to go to Hawaii. The desire to travel had finally outweighed the crazy so I decided to book my trip. I would deal with the shitting myself later; I was going to Hawaii! I had about three months to address this fear of flying and being in a "tight space" for nearly 11 hours. What if I had a panic attack? What if I acted crazy and made an ass out of myself? What if, what if, what if??? So my husband and therapist suggested I start slow. Maybe I should try the metro first and then I can work myself up to being comfortable on a plane. I was going to do it; now was the time. I picked a Sunday when there wouldn't be a lot of people taking the metro into DC. We went to the station and of course my anxiety level was high, but enough to manage. We get on the train, take our seat, and aside from the one homeless person on the train it seemed like it would be an empty car with nothing to worry about. With one minute left to departure, two women, two strollers, and two kids got on the train. "Ok, no worries, it just a bunch of kids and innocent looking mothers." The doors closed and we were off. We were only going to go a few stops and then hop off and ride it back, but we were riding it far enough that we had to go underground. I kept my cool and just tried to enjoy the ride. I was so happy I was riding the metro! Something so easy that thousands of people do every day; I was finally doing it! At that point one of the kids said to his mother, "Are we going to go underground?" The mother said, "we sure are!" It was right then that the worst thing ever happened to this agoraphobic. As the train started to make its decent into the dark tunnel, the little boy started yelling "WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE ON THIS THING, WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE ON THIS THING!" My husband quickly said, "I hope not because I promised my wife that we wouldn't!" It was at that point I realized there was nothing to be afraid of. I have been terrified of the metro for years and the fears of the train all ended by a six year old boy proclaiming, "WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE ON THIS THING!"
Posted by Beth at 10:34 PM