Sunday, January 22, 2012

It has come to my attention...

Plenty of things are brought to my attention daily, some mostly unsolicited and some I am consciously aware of. For example;

1) I say fuck A LOT.

2) Most of my stories feature piss, shit, or puke.

3) I have a barren wasteland of a uterus.

4) I sometimes pee a little when I sneeze (this is new). Thankfully, this was a phenomenon I became aware of on my own, and not awkwardly pointed out to me.

5) My dog does not appreciate when I turn the stove on. Because of prior failed attempts to cook, the clicking sound initiates a Pavlovian response that sends him into a full-blown panic attack. He seeks shelter in the corner, where he shivers and waits for the smoke alarm to go off. Fucker.

6) I am referred to as "the heavy set girl" at work. Nice.

7) I giggle...obnoxiously.

Here is the back story. Mark and I went to Disney world in December. We had been before, but I really didn't get on many rides because of my agoraphobia. On this last trip I was going to take on some of the ones I refused to go on previously because I said "fuck you" to agoraphobia, and mainly because Mark said, "if that five year old can do it, you can too." I got on the Tea Cups, for my first time. I know, I know, it is a pussy ride, but because of the spinning and my belief I would throw up, I usually just skipped it. I admit, I had a blast on that ride; Mark even mentioned that I was definitely having more fun on the Tea Cups than anyone else. What the hell did he mean by that? He then pointed out that I was giggling and laughing obnoxiously. I adamantly denied the fact that I giggled; you know, it is kind of like when someone tells you that you snore and you swear you don't snore and then they catch you on video trying to swallow your own face. Well, the same thing happened here on our second round on the Tea Cups, but with giggling. Can't explain it, I giggle...obnoxiously


  1. Due to the birth of The Boy and Baby Girl, I have been forced to revise my vocabulary. At first I said mothertrucker. A lot. However, as they got older, I was forced to stop even that and now must content myself with simply mouthing the words to any adult in the vicinity who might understand. It's not nearly as satisfactory.

    And I think you should add a 6a) to your list:
    6a) I throat punch people at work who call me the heavy set girl.

    1. Throat punching is frowned upon unfortunately. The funny thing is I have been called that at two different jobs. Fuckers.

  2. Any girl who says fuck a lot is okay in my book.


    A girl who also says fuck A LOT.