Sunday, March 25, 2012

Argue like a Lady



Last week this illiterate, shit-kicking, uneducated backwoods mutant hillbilly took it upon herself to tell me, on Facebook nonetheless, to “go eat something you cow.” I really didn’t have a fucking clue what she was talking about, maybe because she misspelled three of the five words she wrote, but either way I starred at her comment like a monkey doing a math problem until I finally realized this was her feeble attempt at calling me fat. I laughed at first, got pissed, and then realized who I was dealing with and then I of course laughed again. The old me would have turned into the verbal assassin my brothers and I have become. We would never exert that kind of energy to physically fight anyone; I get tired just taking the stairs, but also because jail scares the shit out me. I can't be someone's bitch as a result of losing my cool, but if pushed enough I will shake my finger in your face and call you ungodly names.

Anyway, her comment got me thinking though, good insults should be applauded and celebrated, but instead most girls just call each other a combination of stupid, fat, whore, and bitch, rarely deviating away from these foundational insults. The woman in the example above scored points for creativity though; I have never been called a cow before, but I feel like she could have done better.


So, I have created a chart to help those who become insult impaired when verbally accosting someone. It is a simple formula really; select one word from each column and there you have it, a more creative insult or if you prefer new nicknames for each other! 

fucking
slut
skeevy
whore
skanky
twatwaffle
dirty
pussy
fishy
bimbo
nasty
dick blister
obnoxious
queef bag
repulsive
cunt
greasy
hooker
belligerent
cum Dumpster
hideous
human filth



Got any good names you like to call people; to their face or behind their back? Remember, sticks and stones may break your bones, but lighten up people, these are just words!

6 comments:

  1. douche nozzle is my fave. Although I try not to call women nasty names unless I know them and they are in fact douche nozzles.

    -Jess

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    Replies
    1. Douche nozzle is the classier version of douche bag...nice.

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  2. Dirty whore is probably my most used insult (dirty bastard for the guys- I'm equal opportunity). And it made your list! Yay! I'm going to have to add twatwaffle to my vocabulary. These insults are usually reserved for people who do stupid things while driving.

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