Tuesday, March 13, 2012
I have always been a nervous person, scared of pretty much everything; the dark, snakes, public speaking, flying, teenage girls with sharp objects, you know, typical fears and phobias. When my agoraphobia kicked into full gear however, I added to my list. I was suddenly afraid of things like eating in public, shopping, going to the movies, driving, and anything else that wasn't eating or breathing. After years of therapy I learned to determine if the fears I have are rational or irrational. Of course I still am anxious and I still have fears, but as an exercise I kept a list of some of my favorite irrational fears, so here goes!
I am afraid that...
...I will accidentally refer to my boss as "dad."
...out of habit, I will end a phone conversation with a coworker, customer, or pizza guy by saying "love ya, bye!"
...the person in the bathroom stall next to me will know I am dropping a heater because they heard me unroll another six feet of toilet paper.
...I will remain a fat ass and end up on the TLC show "I Was Pregnant and Didn't Know It."
...anytime I receive a picture via email or text from my brothers and sister, it will be a picture of the shit they just took or a handful of nut sack "brain." Furthermore, it is equally frightening when we are in the same room with each other. God forbid you have to walk past each other in a hallway because you are almost always guaranteed to receive a punch to the gut or crotch. Never leave yourself open and exposed around siblings...never leave yourself open or exposed!
...I will smell someone’s fart and be the first to notice it. I will make that face, like "who shit themselves?" only to have people repeatedly say, "who ever smelt it dealt it", as we did in the third grade. I will have to deny farting over and over again.
...I will send an email without spell checking and it will say, "sorry for the incontinence" rather than "sorry for the inconvenience."
...when the phone rings at 10pm at night, someone is dead, dying, or injured.
...the garage door, despite seeing it go down, is actually going to open right back up again and everything in my garage (although just scrap wood, a garbage can, and a recycling container) will be viewable for everyone in the neighborhood to see and/or help themselves too.
...during my annual exam at the gynecologist, they will lean in for a closer look and say, “eww, what is that?"
So that is my list! Do you have any that you want to share so I can over think them and add them on to my list?
Posted by Beth at 12:20 PM