Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Irrational Fears

I have always been a nervous person, scared of pretty much everything; the dark, snakes, public speaking, flying, teenage girls with sharp objects, you know, typical fears and phobias. When my agoraphobia kicked into full gear however, I added to my list. I was suddenly afraid of things like eating in public, shopping, going to the movies, driving, and anything else that wasn't eating or breathing. After years of therapy I learned to determine if the fears I have are rational or irrational. Of course I still am anxious and I still have fears, but as an exercise I kept a list of some of my favorite irrational fears, so here goes!

I am afraid that...

...I will accidentally refer to my boss as "dad."

...out of habit, I will end a phone conversation with a coworker, customer, or pizza guy by saying "love ya, bye!"

...the person in the bathroom stall next to me will know I am dropping a heater because they heard me unroll another six feet of toilet paper.

...I will remain a fat ass and end up on the TLC show "I Was Pregnant and Didn't Know It."

...anytime I receive a picture via email or text from my brothers and sister, it will be a picture of the shit they just took or a handful of nut sack "brain." Furthermore, it is equally frightening when we are in the same room with each other. God forbid you have to walk past each other in a hallway because you are almost always guaranteed to receive a punch to the gut or crotch. Never leave yourself open and exposed around siblings...never leave yourself open or exposed!

...I will smell someone’s fart and be the first to notice it. I will make that face, like "who shit themselves?" only to have people repeatedly say, "who ever smelt it dealt it", as we did in the third grade. I will have to deny farting over and over again.

...I will send an email without spell checking and it will say, "sorry for the incontinence" rather than "sorry for the inconvenience."

...when the phone rings at 10pm at night, someone is dead, dying, or injured.

...the garage door, despite seeing it go down, is actually going to open right back up again and everything in my garage (although just scrap wood, a garbage can, and a recycling container) will be viewable for everyone in the neighborhood to see and/or help themselves too.

...during my annual exam at the gynecologist, they will lean in for a closer look and say, “eww, what is that?"

So that is my list! Do you have any that you want to share so I can over think them and add them on to my list?


  1. Okay, there is research that shows many people with OCD lack a connection in their brain that transfers memories from your short term memory (which is only a few seconds) to your long term memory. I know this. So when I do something - turn off the stove, unplug the flat iron, put down the garage door- I will look at it repeatedly and tell myself that I've done it. When I leave for work in the morning, I will sit in the driveway and watch the garage door go down. Then I will back out, and repeatedly check the rearview mirror to make sure it didn't go back up. Yet, as soon as it's out of sight, I suddenly can't remember if it went down. I will turn around and go back. I will text my neighbors to make sure it's down. And since I can't remember, that ratchets up my anxiety and I start to worry that it's up and someone will break into my house and steal my dog. With the stove/flat iron/etc., I worry that the house will burn down with my dog in it. This is why my neighbors also have a key to my house. Of course, if they actually go into my house, then I worry that they'll leave the door opened (this HAS happened) or unlocked & I'm right back to the B&E ... it's a vicious, vicious cycle.

    1. I understand Rachel. I feel good knowing there is a garage door (but it has to be down) keeping my dogs from going outside, you know, just in case they learn to turn a door knob...it could happen!

  2. I don't hang my feet off the edge of the bed at night in fear that the snarling monster under the bed will grab my foot and drag me into the bowels of hell.

    1. Um, who doesn't?!? I don't fuck with monsters or ghosts. We have a mutual respect.

    2. She said irrational fears ... this is completely rational. Anyone who DOESN'T worry about monsters under the bed grabbing their feet are completely off their rockers.